The Other Person


Written By: DayRu

Through time, movies, media of sorts, school, we have seen a variety of forms of cheating. It starts with cheating at a game of checkers, then to cheating on a test at school, and suddenly it jumps to cheating on people. I sometimes am put in situations where I’m set to ponder this sort of jump, and can’t quite wrap my head around it’s logistics as to who’s at fault. Mom and Dad would have said it was your wrong­doing when you were a child, peeking at someone’s paper, but would they say the same when you’re cheating away from something, and not cheating towards? I was a big cheater in school, I loved it. Why learn the crappy material if you can just use your peripheral vision to get all the answers? Sure, there’s no guarantee your cheat buddy will have the right answers either, but cheating on your partner doesn’t guarantee you’ll get what you’re missing in your relationship, so where do you turn from here? I’ve never cheated on someone, no I have not. I have been in an open relationship in which it commonly felt like I was cheating, even though I was ‘allowed’ to be doing what I was doing. Something I have done though, is help someone cheat. At first I thought it was like helping someone cheat on a test. You know, helping them get a better grade in class. But the equivalent of that would be helping their relationship with their partner thrive, and I don’t think there is a part of helping someone cheat on their loved one that supports that. Now, the part that I commonly ponder is which person is to blame. Is the partner whom isn’t keeping their lover happy at fault? Or is it the cheater themselves? Or possibly the ‘other person’, who seems to be the one most point their fingers at in a cheating extravaganza. What I can tell you, is how it feels to be the ‘other person’, and why it’s awful. We like/love who we do, it’s as simple as that. If there was some way we could control these feelings, heartbreak would be a lot less often, it actually sounds kind of great. Anyway, separate from that fantasy, the reality is we like who we do, end of story. So what happens when who you like is taken? Do you simply give up that quickly and accept it, or go after them anyway for that glimmer of desire that they show you in the way they look at you­­­ the big question. Most may say you should come to terms with the fact that they are taken, but not me. I want what I want, when I want it, always have, always will. I’ve been made out to be a bad person for not thinking of the cheater’s partner’s feelings, but when you get down to it, is it really my responsibility? Let us dig deeper… ‘The Cheater’­​ Commonly the ‘act of cheating’ is pursued in search of fulfilling something that they feel they is missing. EXAMPLES: They are feeling emotionally disconnected from their partner; they are no longer physically attracted to their partner; they are bored with their partner; they are curious about people other than their partner; they are seeking some odd sort of revenge on their partner; they don’t give a flying fuck about their partner; etc. ‘The Partner’­​ Regardless of the above^ having the word ‘partner’ mentioned 6 times, I don’t see this person to blame in any way. Even if it was petty revenge, unless someone is utterly immature, this isn’t an acceptable way to handle things (but who am I to judge…) Anyway, I feel there is no way to justify doing this to someone, unless simply admitting that you’re, well, an asshole. AND DRUMROLL… last but NOT least…: ‘The “Other Person’­​ So this is where it’s tricky. The cheater’s partner tends to blame both the ‘cheater’ and the ‘other person’, while the ‘partner’ (when caught) will blame the ‘other person’ ((writing this makes me feel like I’m describing the plot for a brutal game of ‘Clue’)) As the ‘other person’ I have felt, that if there was anyone to blame it would be the ‘cheater’, but it all is starting to seem quite arbitrary like the creation of a card game that is so complex that only the creator can win from everyone else’s pure confusion and lack of attention span. So in my own tally, it seems ‘the partner’ and the ‘other person’ are tied for the ‘Lead Jerk’ title. But being honest from my previous experience, I’ve never done it to hurt the person’s partner, that, plain and simple, wasn’t the intention. It was to get what I wanted, but I quickly learned I never would, not from these situations. I have often asked myself if I am a bad person for having desires that, in turn, would hurt others. I’ve been told, many a time, that I have been a homewrecker, and many a time that I am not. “I am” because I ‘wouldn’t want it to happen to me’ and “I’m not” because it was not my final move to make something happen­­it comes down to the person who decides to cheat. I never want to be cheated on, so I wonder why I condone it. Many say it’s because I have an attraction to what I can’t have, which seems pretty right on the money. Ever ignore your crush and they run after you? People like the hard to obtain, and I’m going to go as far as saying that’s a fact. This whole aforementioned situation is a habit I’m trying to break, and trying hard. Not because I think that I’m a homewrecker, or a heartbreaker, or whatever names people like to use, but because I deserve someone who wants me and only me. We all do.


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